Culture of Excuses, Crisis of Character

Are We Too Soft for the Truth?

Let’s face it we’ve gotten way too comfortable with excuses. But what happens to a society where no one is held responsible where everyone has a reason, but no one takes ownership?

We’re living in a culture where responsibility feels optional, and doing the right thing is treated like a burden. Every time someone messes up, there’s a “valid” excuse. A backstory. A reason why this time should be overlooked. But the truth is: when we constantly make excuses for bad behavior, we don’t fix it. We feed it.

It's time to break the cycle.

So, let’s break down some of the biggest offenders, shall we?

“They’re just old, let them be.”

We’ve all heard this one. An elderly person says something inappropriate, and we shrug it off: “Ah, they’re old, what do you expect?” As if age grants you a free pass to be disrespectful, manipulative, or ignorant.

Then there is this popular adage that really does not apply in all situations. “What an elder sees sitting down, a child will not see it even if he stands on an Iroko tree.” While this proverb speaks to the wisdom that comes with age, it’s often misused. Not every experience is universal. Just because someone is older doesn’t mean they automatically understand every situation better than someone younger.

We need to stop weaponizing age to invalidate the voices and experiences of younger people. Respect should go both ways. Being older doesn’t make you exempt from basic decency, and it definitely shouldn’t excuse treating others poorly.

What if we all accepted that, no matter how old we get, we still need to be held accountable? What a world that would be.

Gender is Not a Get-Out-of-Jail Card

“He’s a man, what do you expect?”

Ah yes, the classic “boys will be boys.” A man cheats, lies, or is outright abusive—and somehow it’s swept under the rug with a shrug and a sigh. “He’s the head of the household,” they say. “It’s in his nature.”

Really?

Let’s be clear: being a man is not an excuse to act like a jerk. Masculinity should come with even more accountability, not less. Respect, trust, and leadership are part of the deal. Toxic masculinity thrives when we keep excusing bad behavior in the name of manhood.

I have a neighbor who proudly calls himself an “alpha male.” One day, he was making a loud scene right outside my window. When another neighbor politely asked him to lower his voice since he was clearly causing a disturbance, he responded, “I’m an alpha male, no one can tell me what to do. I know I’m disturbing someone, but I’m at a point where I answer to no one.”

Really? Does identifying as a man or worse, an “alpha” somehow excuse being disrespectful and inconsiderate?

Being a man does not excuse any type of behaviour. It should not be an excuse to be badly behaved at any time. True masculinity is about respect, empathy, and leading with integrity not entitlement and dominance. So let’s leave that outdated “man card” excuse in the past where it belongs.

When Trauma Turns Toxic

Here’s one thing I know for certain: trauma is real. It shapes us. It scars us. And it deserves compassion. But here’s what it doesn’t deserve a free pass for treating others badly.

A woman has been hurt by a terrible partner in the past. Understandably, she is guarded. But if she begins to project that pain onto a new partner who’s doing nothing wrong, that’s not healing, that’s harm. One can even argue that it is self-sabotage.

We all have baggage, but that doesn’t mean we get to dump it on others.

Healing requires effort, self-awareness, and accountability. Yes, we can empathize with someone’s pain but we don’t have to excuse behavior that stems from it. Growth happens when we face our trauma and decide not to let it define how we treat people.

Empathy is powerful. It’s how we connect with others, how we understand where people are coming from. But there’s a fine line between being empathetic and letting someone get away with bad behavior just because they’ve had a tough life.

Here’s the balance:
“I get it. You’ve had it rough. But that doesn’t mean you can treat me like garbage.”

When we excuse harmful behavior in the name of empathy, we’re not helping, we’re hindering. True empathy holds space for both compassion and correction. It says: “I see you, I care about you, but I won’t let you stay stuck.”

I’ve learned this lesson the hard way. I had a friend who had been through a lot of traumatic experiences. I really tried to be understanding, you know? I wanted to show them that they’re not defined by their past, and that they were worthy of love and respect. But here’s the thing no matter how much I tried to empathize, this person continued to hide behind their trauma and was nothing short of awful to me. They would lash out, be disrespectful, and take advantage of my kindness.

At first, I kept telling myself, “They’ve been through a lot, they’re just struggling.” But eventually, I realized just because someone’s been hurt doesn’t mean they get to treat others poorly. I had to put my foot down and I had to follow the advice of my mentor Craig David by walking away. I had to stop enabling them to believe that they could continue to be a jerk just because they had been through hard times.

From that experience, I learned that you can empathize with someone and still demand respect. You can show someone that you care and encourage their growth without letting them walk all over you. And most importantly, I learned that being a good friend or just being a good person doesn’t mean tolerating toxic behavior.

At the end of the day, holding someone accountable isn’t cruel, it's caring. When you call out harmful behavior, it’s not to punish, it’s to help them grow. To help them become the best version of themselves.

It’s time we stop hiding behind excuses.
Let’s build a world where growth not guilt is the goal. Where we stop excusing bad behavior in the name of age, gender, or pain, and start demanding better for ourselves and for each other.

Because accountability is love and love means growth.

So here’s the real question:
Are we brave enough to love each other through accountability?

Sincerely,

Damie “The Accountant” Ibegbu